they say the only constant is change

2012 is the Year of the Water Dragon.

Is also the year which my yearly Chinese New Year routines are interrupted with various reasons and is now near to non existent. I am already missing all the preparations and celebrations we had in the previous years.

Both my maternal and paternal sides have issues of their own.

Paternal side has been coping with my very frail grandmother who requires full time care. It's not easy to keep the family running with all the additional tasks they have to do. This is something I have learnt ever since mee is diagnosed and the rest of us have to chip in the effort to keep the household running.

Hence, I know it is the right thing to do, to skip all the festives and not pile on my aunts who are already burdened with so many things to do.

Maternal side has a story worthy of a chinese soap opera. Something that has dragged on for the past few months and is looking to near never ever resolving. I am ashamed at the way some of them are behaving towards their own mother especially when they are mothers themselves.

I am proud my parents took a stand because what they did was clearly not right no matter what stupid twisted arguments they've been using as an excuse for their actions.

I am only upset because this has impacted in breaking up the whole extended family. With it goes the family gatherings and interacting with my cousins.

Life sucks.

I didn't even bother applying leave for additional days because it'll only remind me of what I'm missing, so it's back to work after the 2 days of holidays.

Only a month has gone by.

I thought I was over it already, but when mee and I were talking about her during dinner, my tears came out again.

I was literally tearing over the remains of my tangerine which I was munching after dinner when we were talking about how beautiful her eyes was and the little things we miss having her around.

Talking about how much we miss her hurts, the memories we shared are beautiful, her constant presence was always comforting.

The one day about 2 weeks back when the parents went out and up for the day, was the day I was reminded that I was now truly alone at home, something I never quite felt ever since I was back in secondary school before we got ourselves a dog.

I never could break my habit of making sure my door is opened with a wide enough gap for her to slip in and out of our rooms every night before I go to bed. It's something I still do and sometimes I find myself waiting for that scrap of a paw to sound on my door when I'm surfing the net in my room at night.

Has it only been one month since then?