Dear upcoming 26th,
Happy 26th Birthday. Still doesn't feel that much grown up yet, but I'm definitely getting there soon.
I have so many things to be grateful for. A family who loves me, a boyfriend who pampers me, a job that I really enjoy and colleagues that I get along with. Life is awesome.
Sure, there is always room for improvement but I'm not lacking in anything of necessity. That is a blessing to me.
Next stop, to be more mature and sensible. Take on more responsibilities. Always, cherish the things you have, because it's right next to you.
Hopefully, the new year will bring along more opportunities to boost my career. That'd be nice.
Yours ever so truly,
Your 25th year old self.
Thursday, October 04, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
There is South Korea and then some other
The sheep here.
The Mistress spent an incredible 10 days in South Korea with the bf and another 2 new friends of Ching. Plane hopping from Jeju to Gyeongju and KTX express train to Seoul. Such a fantastic experience.
Mistress thinks this trip has made her broke, but totally worth it. It's a beautiful country and really warm people. Oh, the food is awesome too!
She was worried about having to juggle different opinions and it's been rather smooth, with a few hiccups in between but nothing really minor, thank goodness.
Covered so many tourist spots, local cuisine, transportation (subway, express trains (KTX & ITX), ) taxi, bicycle, ferry, domestic flights and also a truly remarkable amount of walking, given her very much lack of exercise lifestyle. Made some new Korean friends who were really warm and friendly.
Mistress think it's rather sad, that she feels it's so much safer in a foreign country than back home. Her beloved country has truly fallen behind so many progressive countries.
It's also amusing that Mistress feels she's beginning to understand more about someone's personality. It sometimes bugs her that he's so keen on being sooooooo accurate in describing details and monies and time or experience. Sometimes, things that small a scale has no significant impact. Seriously. Or that he's so eager in explaining things that he's read somewhere. Or volunteering beyond his limits.
She say about half an hour and gets corrected precisely 23 minutes. orz. really now. Can that 7 minutes be such a big deal. Mistress thinks it'll test her limited patience in the long run, given, she does have a short temper.
But since this is short term, Mistress is proud she tried to keep it under radar and did try to cover his overeagerness in volunteering. Really, howlar does he want to juggle the map and the monies and all that spending? She has about given up, especially when he volunteered to carry her bag on top of his own 4 other luggage. orz.
But everyone has both sides to them, and Mistress thinks she definitely has lot of bad ones as well. Despite all that, Mistress felt very safe and taken care off the whole trip. She wonders if she will still experience the same feelings 50 years down the road. When one sees an old couple holding hands to cross the streets, it brings a sort of warmth and love to your heart.
Mistress feels that being loved unconditionally is an incredible thing.
The Mistress spent an incredible 10 days in South Korea with the bf and another 2 new friends of Ching. Plane hopping from Jeju to Gyeongju and KTX express train to Seoul. Such a fantastic experience.
Mistress thinks this trip has made her broke, but totally worth it. It's a beautiful country and really warm people. Oh, the food is awesome too!
She was worried about having to juggle different opinions and it's been rather smooth, with a few hiccups in between but nothing really minor, thank goodness.
Covered so many tourist spots, local cuisine, transportation (subway, express trains (KTX & ITX), ) taxi, bicycle, ferry, domestic flights and also a truly remarkable amount of walking, given her very much lack of exercise lifestyle. Made some new Korean friends who were really warm and friendly.
Mistress think it's rather sad, that she feels it's so much safer in a foreign country than back home. Her beloved country has truly fallen behind so many progressive countries.
It's also amusing that Mistress feels she's beginning to understand more about someone's personality. It sometimes bugs her that he's so keen on being sooooooo accurate in describing details and monies and time or experience. Sometimes, things that small a scale has no significant impact. Seriously. Or that he's so eager in explaining things that he's read somewhere. Or volunteering beyond his limits.
She say about half an hour and gets corrected precisely 23 minutes. orz. really now. Can that 7 minutes be such a big deal. Mistress thinks it'll test her limited patience in the long run, given, she does have a short temper.
But since this is short term, Mistress is proud she tried to keep it under radar and did try to cover his overeagerness in volunteering. Really, howlar does he want to juggle the map and the monies and all that spending? She has about given up, especially when he volunteered to carry her bag on top of his own 4 other luggage. orz.
But everyone has both sides to them, and Mistress thinks she definitely has lot of bad ones as well. Despite all that, Mistress felt very safe and taken care off the whole trip. She wonders if she will still experience the same feelings 50 years down the road. When one sees an old couple holding hands to cross the streets, it brings a sort of warmth and love to your heart.
Mistress feels that being loved unconditionally is an incredible thing.
10 months and still counting
Sometimes when I feel like reflecting back on the past, I drop by this little hidey hole of mine to reread old blog posts and old sms messages. It brings back all the memories, both good and bad., which is also why she has yet to set the auto delete on her phone.
I still cry whenever I read the things I wrote about Sera. I can't explain why, it's been 10 months ever since, and my tears have yet to dry up. My heart restricts itself, my eyes swell up and the memories floods back.
Dearest Sera, I still very much miss you.
I still cry whenever I read the things I wrote about Sera. I can't explain why, it's been 10 months ever since, and my tears have yet to dry up. My heart restricts itself, my eyes swell up and the memories floods back.
Dearest Sera, I still very much miss you.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
communications
Dear self,
After weeks of silent truce following long emotional e-mails bouncing back and forth, I've had enough, and had to bring it up for a face to face discussion. All the pent up emotions are bubbling on the surface and replaying parts of it again and again on my mind like a broken record is not helping. People think and as do I, I think about everything and anything related.
I'm not sure what a proper discussion and communication entails, but I hope this help it a bit. For the both of us.
Apologies and promises comes up. But things takes time, personality and character do not take lightly to being tuned, as do I. Making promises to deliver the moon makes my heart drop a beat. One cannot promise to change a personality overnight. But I cannot refuse a promise that is made so sincerely.
It's not like I was the one who's always right and perfect, I'm definitely far from it. This has taught me to learn tolerance. Whether I'm a good enough student for that subject remains a question.
Why did I bring myself to put me lower on the priority list. I regret using the words I use. My brains never quite seem to think as fast as my mouth does, this terrible habit of mine has been pointed out by my parents time and time again.
Dear self, you idiot.
Perhaps it's for the better, I know I would never find it in myself to spend a lifetime with someone who does not have me in their priority. Certainly not ever.
After weeks of silent truce following long emotional e-mails bouncing back and forth, I've had enough, and had to bring it up for a face to face discussion. All the pent up emotions are bubbling on the surface and replaying parts of it again and again on my mind like a broken record is not helping. People think and as do I, I think about everything and anything related.
I'm not sure what a proper discussion and communication entails, but I hope this help it a bit. For the both of us.
Apologies and promises comes up. But things takes time, personality and character do not take lightly to being tuned, as do I. Making promises to deliver the moon makes my heart drop a beat. One cannot promise to change a personality overnight. But I cannot refuse a promise that is made so sincerely.
It's not like I was the one who's always right and perfect, I'm definitely far from it. This has taught me to learn tolerance. Whether I'm a good enough student for that subject remains a question.
Why did I bring myself to put me lower on the priority list. I regret using the words I use. My brains never quite seem to think as fast as my mouth does, this terrible habit of mine has been pointed out by my parents time and time again.
Dear self, you idiot.
Perhaps it's for the better, I know I would never find it in myself to spend a lifetime with someone who does not have me in their priority. Certainly not ever.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Sinus
Been getting sick once too many in the last few weeks.
All that sneezing and wheezing and coughing pops up like every few days. Urgh. It's not nice when your nose decides to leak the entire day and having a blocked nose leads to a headache,because everything inside the head is inter-related. Sometimes when I find myself sneezing too hard, one side of the ear feels wet. Orz. My occasional sinus is coming back all too often.
Note to self, take better care of your body and mind. Health is very very important. Without it, you can't watch over the people around you that you love.
If someone in the family is sick, it makes me feel a tad guilty that I'm not watching over their health better. Prolly because mum is the one who used to keep an eye over us and boil all those leung cha occasionally, now that she's busy taking care of her health, I seemed to have made it my responsibility. Dad too, with all those coconut water he buys back whenever the weather is getting too hot.
Nose is still leaking, and I think accompanying the parents to for Cheng Ming this morning with all those smoke made it worse. Gah.
Question, does one get dehydrated?
All that sneezing and wheezing and coughing pops up like every few days. Urgh. It's not nice when your nose decides to leak the entire day and having a blocked nose leads to a headache,because everything inside the head is inter-related. Sometimes when I find myself sneezing too hard, one side of the ear feels wet. Orz. My occasional sinus is coming back all too often.
Note to self, take better care of your body and mind. Health is very very important. Without it, you can't watch over the people around you that you love.
If someone in the family is sick, it makes me feel a tad guilty that I'm not watching over their health better. Prolly because mum is the one who used to keep an eye over us and boil all those leung cha occasionally, now that she's busy taking care of her health, I seemed to have made it my responsibility. Dad too, with all those coconut water he buys back whenever the weather is getting too hot.
Nose is still leaking, and I think accompanying the parents to for Cheng Ming this morning with all those smoke made it worse. Gah.
Question, does one get dehydrated?
Friday, February 10, 2012
and a full circle comes around
Dear self,
This has got to be the darniest thing ever, I can't believe I got myself into a very serious (and clearly idiotic) argument over parents playing facebook. wth life.
All those points they used to counter argue are definitely the very same points we used back in our teenage-rebellious-age. Karma does come around. orz.
Okay, so I probably burst out first but heck, I can't stop myself when I feel that something is very clearly not right and a bit overboard even for them.
And it's effin unfair when mum goes into her emotional story-telling blackmail mode and dad tries to string along everything he can come up with and twist them all to my fault.
My fault? Is clearly to be the first idiot in the house to agree to register an account for them both each. blek.
Heck, it's only for ONE day, and all that stupid big deal.
Why did I even bother to get into this stupid argument over something that probably cost me 5 minutes to do. Iunno, seriously, why did I even try..
Life can be incredibly weird sometimes.
This has got to be the darniest thing ever, I can't believe I got myself into a very serious (and clearly idiotic) argument over parents playing facebook. wth life.
All those points they used to counter argue are definitely the very same points we used back in our teenage-rebellious-age. Karma does come around. orz.
Okay, so I probably burst out first but heck, I can't stop myself when I feel that something is very clearly not right and a bit overboard even for them.
And it's effin unfair when mum goes into her emotional story-telling blackmail mode and dad tries to string along everything he can come up with and twist them all to my fault.
My fault? Is clearly to be the first idiot in the house to agree to register an account for them both each. blek.
Heck, it's only for ONE day, and all that stupid big deal.
Why did I even bother to get into this stupid argument over something that probably cost me 5 minutes to do. Iunno, seriously, why did I even try..
Life can be incredibly weird sometimes.
Friday, January 20, 2012
they say the only constant is change
2012 is the Year of the Water Dragon.
Is also the year which my yearly Chinese New Year routines are interrupted with various reasons and is now near to non existent. I am already missing all the preparations and celebrations we had in the previous years.
Both my maternal and paternal sides have issues of their own.
Paternal side has been coping with my very frail grandmother who requires full time care. It's not easy to keep the family running with all the additional tasks they have to do. This is something I have learnt ever since mee is diagnosed and the rest of us have to chip in the effort to keep the household running.
Hence, I know it is the right thing to do, to skip all the festives and not pile on my aunts who are already burdened with so many things to do.
Maternal side has a story worthy of a chinese soap opera. Something that has dragged on for the past few months and is looking to near never ever resolving. I am ashamed at the way some of them are behaving towards their own mother especially when they are mothers themselves.
I am proud my parents took a stand because what they did was clearly not right no matter what stupid twisted arguments they've been using as an excuse for their actions.
I am only upset because this has impacted in breaking up the whole extended family. With it goes the family gatherings and interacting with my cousins.
Life sucks.
I didn't even bother applying leave for additional days because it'll only remind me of what I'm missing, so it's back to work after the 2 days of holidays.
Is also the year which my yearly Chinese New Year routines are interrupted with various reasons and is now near to non existent. I am already missing all the preparations and celebrations we had in the previous years.
Both my maternal and paternal sides have issues of their own.
Paternal side has been coping with my very frail grandmother who requires full time care. It's not easy to keep the family running with all the additional tasks they have to do. This is something I have learnt ever since mee is diagnosed and the rest of us have to chip in the effort to keep the household running.
Hence, I know it is the right thing to do, to skip all the festives and not pile on my aunts who are already burdened with so many things to do.
Maternal side has a story worthy of a chinese soap opera. Something that has dragged on for the past few months and is looking to near never ever resolving. I am ashamed at the way some of them are behaving towards their own mother especially when they are mothers themselves.
I am proud my parents took a stand because what they did was clearly not right no matter what stupid twisted arguments they've been using as an excuse for their actions.
I am only upset because this has impacted in breaking up the whole extended family. With it goes the family gatherings and interacting with my cousins.
Life sucks.
I didn't even bother applying leave for additional days because it'll only remind me of what I'm missing, so it's back to work after the 2 days of holidays.
Only a month has gone by.
I thought I was over it already, but when mee and I were talking about her during dinner, my tears came out again.
I was literally tearing over the remains of my tangerine which I was munching after dinner when we were talking about how beautiful her eyes was and the little things we miss having her around.
Talking about how much we miss her hurts, the memories we shared are beautiful, her constant presence was always comforting.
The one day about 2 weeks back when the parents went out and up for the day, was the day I was reminded that I was now truly alone at home, something I never quite felt ever since I was back in secondary school before we got ourselves a dog.
I never could break my habit of making sure my door is opened with a wide enough gap for her to slip in and out of our rooms every night before I go to bed. It's something I still do and sometimes I find myself waiting for that scrap of a paw to sound on my door when I'm surfing the net in my room at night.
Has it only been one month since then?
I was literally tearing over the remains of my tangerine which I was munching after dinner when we were talking about how beautiful her eyes was and the little things we miss having her around.
Talking about how much we miss her hurts, the memories we shared are beautiful, her constant presence was always comforting.
The one day about 2 weeks back when the parents went out and up for the day, was the day I was reminded that I was now truly alone at home, something I never quite felt ever since I was back in secondary school before we got ourselves a dog.
I never could break my habit of making sure my door is opened with a wide enough gap for her to slip in and out of our rooms every night before I go to bed. It's something I still do and sometimes I find myself waiting for that scrap of a paw to sound on my door when I'm surfing the net in my room at night.
Has it only been one month since then?
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